


As

by Thecsquirrel



Series: Stardust [2]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, I guess this gets a bit sad, Some angst, but there's fluff to go with the sad stuff, dealing with the aging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thecsquirrel/pseuds/Thecsquirrel
Summary: Birthdays for Maria get harder and harder for Carol to deal with each year.





	As

**Author's Note:**

> _1\. Don't fight me for this one. Hopefully, this is just some fluffy angst. Wanted to deal with the aging conversation, since clearly, Carol is aging much slower than Maria._   
>  _2\. This story exists in my "Stardust" universe, but it could also be a bit of a standalone._   
>  _3\. As always, mistakes are mine._

_"As now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow_  
_But in passing we'll grow older everyday_  
_Just as all that's born is new_  
_Do know what I say is true_  
_That I'll be loving you always"_  


-Stevie Wonder

  


Another trip around the sun has come and gone. Another birthday to celebrate. Another destination or feat or adventure to cross off the bucket list. Cakes with candles have given way to dinners both large and small, or even other-worldly delicacies. Sometimes the venues are familiar, and other times neither woman can believe their eyes; however, no matter what changes, one constant remains: Carol and Maria. 

Of all the rituals that have come and gone, there is one they keep - a birthday picture. Technology has made it easier to capture the moments and the results are instantaneous. When she's around, Monica takes the picture. Usually, it's a selfie that Maria takes because her arms are longer, or they set up the camera somewhere stable. 

This year's picture will be simple since they are on the porch swing lounging in the Louisiana twilight. Their arms are around each other's shoulders, heads touching, smiles bright and bursting. They are laughing when it's done, and Maria is tapping out a caption on the photo, so she can text it to Monica. 

`I make 76 look good!`

She adds some animated sticker thing that blows kisses and hits send.

A still smiling Maria puts the phone down on the side table and she nestles back into the cushions of the swing, and the feel of Carol's arm still wrapped around her shoulder. Her right leg is bent and resting against Carol, while her left hangs off the swing, feet bare and her hot pink painted toenails on display. 

"Was it a good one?" Carol asks. She draws random patterns on Maria's thigh with her fingertips. 

"Always. Absolutely." She yawns. 

Carol softly chuckles. "Now, look who's sleepy."

Maria sits up at that and tsks. "You were the one who fell asleep on the ride home."

A shrug of shoulders is her only response to which Maria just laughs. "Un-huh. Wait, ‘til I tell all the kids that their beloved Captain Marvel may look 30, but she's got the sleeping patterns of an 80-year-old." Her words are in jest.

As expected, Carol scoffs. "Excuse you, but I am technically 77, and my sleep patterns are awesome."

Maria kisses the other woman’s pouty lips causing them both to laugh together, that is until Carol begins to sober. She takes a long look at Maria and draws her fingertips along the arch of her eyebrows, over the curve of her cheekbones, and eventually along the line of her jaw. 

"What is it?" Maria asks as she follows Carol's eyes.

After a few blinks, Carol smiles. "Stunning.” She breathes out the word. "Just stunning."

Maria rolls her eyes just a bit and ducks her head. It's not that she doesn't believe Carol, but she's not blind. Good genes and good health have kept her in great shape, but all the sunscreen and water in the world can't stave off time. 

There are solid patches of grey hair at her temples and the laugh lines are clear around her mouth and eyes. Brown eyes are as bright and clear as ever, despite the nearly ever-present reading glasses. To no one's surprise, she still does the Sunday crossword in pen. And because she's still a bit of a showoff, she can still navigate a Quinjet through an asteroid field, simulation or not. 

Perhaps the years have shown up in small ways, via the aches and pains of a body and mind at work, but she is grateful for every new moment of time. She knows these moments can only last but so much longer, and though she has made peace with that, she knows that Carol has not. She can see the emotions and worry that pass over Carol's features. 

Maria sighs a bit. These birthday celebrations are getting harder for Carol than Maria. "Where's your head at, babe?"

Carol shakes off the morbid thoughts and just smiles. "It's nothing. I just got a little lost in my head."

Maria just looks at her without judgment. "I think I like it better when your head's in the clouds." She leans up a bit and kisses Carol's brow. "I wish you would stop worrying." She catches Carol's eyes before the other woman can look away. "Both of you," Maria adds.

Carol's shoulders sag in defeat. "I'm sorry, babe. Can't help it sometimes." She blows out a breath and then conjures up a smile. "I'm fine, I promise."

Maria chooses not to push Carol on that answer for the moment. She settles back into Carol's side and watches Carol go back to drawing random patterns on her thigh. 

After a few quiet moments, Maria opines lightly, "honestly, I don't know why you guys are worried." 

She pauses to grin. "I'm the one who gets to walk around with the beautiful soft butch dream girl on her arm." She bats her eyes lashes at Carol and soon they are both smiling and laughing. 

"Who are you calling soft, lady?" Her words come out with a dramatic huff. Maria blows her a kiss and they are laughing again. "So, wait, does that make me a cougar or something else?" Maria asks half-serious. 

Carol taps her chin in thought. "Maybe a lioness? Or, ooh! Like a grand elephant." As soon as the words are out, she squints her eyes and twists her mouth up.

Maria scrunches her face and they both shake their heads. "Um, Nah. Stick with the other one."

"Yeah, yeah, definitely lioness." They giggle in agreement. 

Maria sits up a bit, so she can look at Carol without craning her neck up. "So, yes, I’m the lioness who gets to walk around with a woman half my age on my arm.” She arches her eyebrow for effect. “A woman who worships the ground I walk around, mind you." She gives Carol a toothy grin. "Breakfast in bed and trips into space." She brushes imaginary dirt off her shoulder and then waves like a Queen in a procession.

With a smile on her lips, Carol kisses her neck and then her cheek. "Well, when you put it like that." 

They share a soft kiss on the lips and Maria grooves her fingers through Carol's short blonde hair. "Seriously, though, I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon. We both know that nothing is promised and yes, stuff happens, but between my vitamins and the way you two take care of me -

Carol cuts in with a chipper, "can't deny the smoothie plan!"

Maria just nods.

"Although," Carol creases her brow in her thought. "Whatever that was yesterday, has got to go!"

Maria makes a sour face and sticks out her tongue in a show of disgust. "Oh God, yes, that was bad." Amused, the two women bump against each other. 

Once the giggles subside, Maria continues to talk. "Look, maybe I'm not going for wind sprints in the morning with you, but have I ever turned down a good brisk walk or a bike ride?" 

Carol just shakes her head, not quite trusting herself to speak around the lump forming her throat. 

Maria takes a small breath and grabs hold of Carol's hand on her thigh. "And yes, it's true that maybe we don't do tricks in the bedroom anymore.” She pauses to wink at Carol. "You know, I think my shoulder still hurts from that one time."

The joke has its desired effect and breaks the melancholy mood for a moment. "Your shoulder!? Ha. I think I broke my pinky toe." Carol's grin is cocky and Maria shoves playfully at her shoulder. 

"Pinky toe!" She grins. "You goof." That earns her a kiss. Maria is determined to keep her spirits high because she knows this conversation is harder for Carol than it is for her. "I just know that for whatever time we have left, I just want to enjoy it and enjoy each other." 

Carol looks down at the hand she is holding. The veins stand out in the brown skin, etching the lines of time like a road map across her hand. She still loves the feel of Maria's hands. Still strong and supple, skin a luminous dark brown. Carol may be the one with powers, but it is Maria who seems to have a permanent glow. She kisses the back of her hand.

Maria knows it's now or never, so she keeps talking, heading right for the subject she knows her wife wants to avoid. "I know you don't like to think about it, but one day, it'll be my time. It can't be avoided and we both know it." 

Carol's reaction is immediate, as she lets her chin drop to her chest, and her bottom lip starts to tremble. Maria touches a fingertip to her chin, prompting Carol to raise her head and meet Maria's eyes.

There are tears forming at the edge of Carol's eyes, but Maria's smile is warm and understanding. She doesn’t waste time with platitudes or even minutiae. "We don't have to go through all of the logistics. It’s done anyway." She speaks matter-of-factly.

Carol trips over her words, as she breaks in with, "M-Maria, we don't have to do this right now, it's-

Maria regrips Carol's hand and keeps her steady. "Baby, it's fine. I promise," she says while she waves her free hand through the air. "I've talked to Monica about this because we all know you will be an absolute mess." Maria gives Carol a half-smile in an attempt to interject some levity into the tense moment. She can see all manner of fear pass through watery brown eyes, but she needs to keep going. 

Maria's tone is light, and her words are practiced. "When it does happen, I only want one thing." She watches Carol's jaw tighten, just as she feels her fingers squeeze her own. "After all the eating and all the partying, just promise me that you'll zoom off into space with my ashes and sprinkle me out there into the vast and wondrous, glittering dark of the universe. That's all I want." She exhales a shaky breath. 

As Carol watches and listens, the tears finally fall. However, her tears not heavy with sadness, rather they are full of the force of how much she loves the woman sitting next to her. Carol can only nod for the moment, not ready to speak yet, for fear it will just turn into sobs.

Maria's own eyes are now rimmed with tears, and her voice trembles for the first time. "I'd like to think that I'll just become a part of the Stardust, and that way I can always be everywhere and always with you." Her voice falters on her last words. 

Carol immediately wraps strong arms around her and holds her tight. She pulls back only to press soft kisses to Maria's face and her lips. 

Carol lets their foreheads rest together. They breathe together for a moment, and then finally she speaks. "You are never not with me, you know that, right?" She can feel Maria nod. "I don't even want to think about what I'm going to do." Her voice cracks. 

Maria sits back and cups Carol's face in her hands. "You, my brave girl, are going to be Carol Danvers, Captain Marvel."

"That's Rambeau-Danvers, damn it." She punctuates her words with a serious pout.

Maria just rolls her eyes, pleased that some of that sadness is ebbing. "You're going to be that same badass woman that I have always loved, and you're going to be doing what you've always done - fighting for those who can’t." 

She waits until she gets a small smile out of the other woman. "And hey, who knows, maybe I'll see you again on the other side of the galaxy in some other universe or whatnot. You know I'll be there waiting, ‘cause I'll know you'll just show up. Smug, cute, and ready to get into trouble." 

Carol takes a deep breath to fight off another round of tears that threaten to gather. "And you know I'll find a short-cut." She smiles. 

Maria matches Carol’s blazing smile with one of her own. "I expect nothing less." 

They are quiet for a moment, content just to stare and marvel at each other. It is Carol who breaks first, so Maria gathers her into her arms and holds her close, while Carol allows herself to cry quiet tears. Maria presses kisses into Carol's hair and whispers soft words meant to soothe them both. She reminds Carol that she's still here and that she will always be here, one way or another. 

Inevitably, tears would give way to giggles from somebody's bad joke, and they would share salty sweet kisses and promise to talk less about the future and more about the present. It would be a promise they would both keep for a very long while.

  
  


_23 years later..._  


Monica stood on the observation deck of the class-6 deep space cruiser and looked out at the glowing ball of light that was her mom, Carol Danvers. She watched with red-rimmed eyes as Carol removed the top of the specially designed canister that she was holding. In the blink of an eye, Monica watched as her mama's ashes spun out of the canister like a tiny vortex only to eventually blossom out like the dandelion seeds she had once spread all around the yard as a kid. The ashes swirled, seemingly curling around Carol for a moment, and then the vacuum of space did its job and sent the particles everywhere. 

Monica pressed a hand to the glass as she watched the kaleidoscope of colors spin and grow in intensity. She had witnessed first-hand the power of Captain Marvel and she recognized that the growing light would soon be released in an explosion of light and energy. To some distant satellite, it probably appeared to be a celestial event - perhaps a supernova, or maybe even the birth of a star. 

In a sense, it was both an ending and a beginning. 

Monica would go on to wipe her tears, and at some point, she would turn away from the observation deck to leave the other woman to her mourning. She would go on to prepare for when her mom returned to the waiting ship. She knew she would wait for what might be a few more hours, but she would be ready, when eventually her mom boarded the ship – exhausted, spent, and ready to collapse. And there Monica would be with tea and blankets and enough strength for them both. Always.

_Fade out…_

**Author's Note:**

> _As always, thanks for taking this ride with me. It seems I am not quite done with these two ladies, so perhaps, I will sprinkle a few more things here and there. Thanks so much for reading!_


End file.
